lately i have adopted the role as an insomiac..
i dont enjoy it, its not a fun role to play. ill stay
up till 5 or 6 am..
then lay in bed for another hour or so
i see the sun peek
out of the windows towards me
it tells me to sleep.. to sleep before
the birds get louder.
then everything..
every little sound annoys me..
the click of the clock..
the sound of the air rushing out of the air conditioner,
or fan.
where ever i may be,
the sounds around me annoy me.
even if a person is next to me..
it bothers me to hear them breathe.. or worse.. snore..
except for one..
i never enjoyed fully falling asleep with someone..
except for one.
i'd always cuddle then
turn away for my real comfort..
in myself.. id curl up in myself.
i never truely felt comfortable in someones
arms till i lost my mind into sleep..
except for one.
tangeled.. the warmth of his chest
surrounding me untill i fell asleep.
even if i turned over..
he would wrap his arms somehow around me.
and all the sounds.. would fade away.
and i think thats why i have insomnia.. its like i go to go to sleep..
and i cant stop wishing he was here
to make all the sounds stop.
and i dont like it. i want to distance myself from such thoughts.. yet
i cant.. especially before bed.
maybe its much deeper than i can actually see..
maybe its my exterior thats drowning me.
ill smoke ciggarettes and try to distract myself with telivision..
this goes away.. one day like
all the sounds, it will fade.
i hope it comes soon.. i want to stop wanting.
i opened my eyes this morning, i felt sweat
on my body and tore the covers off.
hot and cold sweats,
sniffles, sneezing,
itchy eyes, and an
occupied mind..
i wanna bundle up and escape to the city.
i feel like it would make me feel better,
maybe in a city filled with people with problems
bigger than mine will make me
feel less lonley. im not depressed,
just bored with this scenery.
what is it to love life and have a good life and be thankful for it..
but not be satified..? hmmm, im not depressed im unsatisfied.
i think my life was so perfect at the begining of the summer
that i just want it that way again.
i had EVERYTHING i wanted and more..
now i wonder if thats bad to EVER have that.
you cant have it all for too long can you?
that sucks.
I stepped outside and felt the air smack my face,
its september.. i cant believe its september..
it seems only weeks ago i was graduating highschool..
i have no car.. no way to get to school. so i must work,
but how can i work with no job available..
so frusterating.
my plans are to learn as many instruments in this year time span
as possible. to achieve my greatest dream
that reaches beyond school. i would still be educated of course,
father always says..
YOU NEED an EDUCATION
to MAKE IT IN THIS CRAZY WORLD.
im sure he's right.. but ive got something else on my side.
my talent, i see it, i feel it, i live inside it, i hide away in it,
i expose it to smiling faces. will i ever stand in front of a croud
a huge croud.. like all my favorite artists.. and sing?
will i? i must..
i dont enjoy it, its not a fun role to play. ill stay
up till 5 or 6 am..
then lay in bed for another hour or so
i see the sun peek
out of the windows towards me
it tells me to sleep.. to sleep before
the birds get louder.
then everything..
every little sound annoys me..
the click of the clock..
the sound of the air rushing out of the air conditioner,
or fan.
where ever i may be,
the sounds around me annoy me.
even if a person is next to me..
it bothers me to hear them breathe.. or worse.. snore..
except for one..
i never enjoyed fully falling asleep with someone..
except for one.
i'd always cuddle then
turn away for my real comfort..
in myself.. id curl up in myself.
i never truely felt comfortable in someones
arms till i lost my mind into sleep..
except for one.
tangeled.. the warmth of his chest
surrounding me untill i fell asleep.
even if i turned over..
he would wrap his arms somehow around me.
and all the sounds.. would fade away.
and i think thats why i have insomnia.. its like i go to go to sleep..
and i cant stop wishing he was here
to make all the sounds stop.
and i dont like it. i want to distance myself from such thoughts.. yet
i cant.. especially before bed.
maybe its much deeper than i can actually see..
maybe its my exterior thats drowning me.
ill smoke ciggarettes and try to distract myself with telivision..
this goes away.. one day like
all the sounds, it will fade.
i hope it comes soon.. i want to stop wanting.
i opened my eyes this morning, i felt sweat
on my body and tore the covers off.
hot and cold sweats,
sniffles, sneezing,
itchy eyes, and an
occupied mind..
i wanna bundle up and escape to the city.
i feel like it would make me feel better,
maybe in a city filled with people with problems
bigger than mine will make me
feel less lonley. im not depressed,
just bored with this scenery.
what is it to love life and have a good life and be thankful for it..
but not be satified..? hmmm, im not depressed im unsatisfied.
i think my life was so perfect at the begining of the summer
that i just want it that way again.
i had EVERYTHING i wanted and more..
now i wonder if thats bad to EVER have that.
you cant have it all for too long can you?
that sucks.
I stepped outside and felt the air smack my face,
its september.. i cant believe its september..
it seems only weeks ago i was graduating highschool..
i have no car.. no way to get to school. so i must work,
but how can i work with no job available..
so frusterating.
my plans are to learn as many instruments in this year time span
as possible. to achieve my greatest dream
that reaches beyond school. i would still be educated of course,
father always says..
YOU NEED an EDUCATION
to MAKE IT IN THIS CRAZY WORLD.
im sure he's right.. but ive got something else on my side.
my talent, i see it, i feel it, i live inside it, i hide away in it,
i expose it to smiling faces. will i ever stand in front of a croud
a huge croud.. like all my favorite artists.. and sing?
will i? i must..
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